Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin

Today I found out the most painful thing ever. One of my friends, he's like one of my best friends ever, ran away from home and no one knows where he is. I'm really worried for him because he tried to kill himself yesterday and two days ago. I'm really freaked out. He's not in a good place right now and things just keep getting worse. I don't know what to do except for him. I just really hope they find him. I don't want anything bad happening to him...

Sorry that the first time I tried to post this it didn't work....hopefully it works now...enjoy!

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Falling asleep this late in the morning wasn’t the hard part, staying asleep was. An overwhelming amount of dreams caught up to me and made me toss and turn. And these dreams had a creepy sense to them as well. I don’t know what the hell is going on with my dreams, but Sofia is having them too. Maybe she is right, maybe our horrible past is haunting us again, maybe not.

        “I want to know something.” He said with hope in his eyes now. His emotions keep changing, I can’t keep up with them now.  I can only guess what he wants to know.

        “What?” I said in barely a whisper. He leaned in toward me, his lips brushed mine and came on to a full on collision. I pulled away, surprised by his so-called question.

        “Can you love me, the way you love Ville?” he asked, now saddened a little, maybe by my reaction. I searched my mind, and my heart. Can I love him like I love Ville? If Ville leaves, will Gerard take his place? What is I tell him no? How would he react?

       

        I keep tossing and turning, again and again.

 

        I started walking off in the other direction, wanting to get back inside and away from Gerard. I didn’t answer him, I’m to….shocked….to. I felt his eyes burnt into the back of my skull as I turned away from him. I can hear his heavy breathing ringing in my ear as if it were some annoying bee flying around me. Before I could reach the knob to the door, Gerard pulled on my elbow, spinning me around to face him. He looked so pained.

        “I’m sorry,” he cried. A silver tear rolled down his cheek, his voice was cracked and his eyes full of sorrow. Mine were too, but not as much as his. I should just tell him. I should. I should. I should. But I can’t. It’s too hard to tell him that I don’t love him the way I love my Ville. That I can’t give him the same amount of love and passion. I hope he understands.

 

        I kicked the blanket off myself, to sleep ridden to wake up and put it back on. A sudden stinging broke my heart.

 

        I sat in my room, dark, alone, and left with a broken heart. I sat there silently crying, my heart stained with the venomous words that Ville had left me before he left. ‘I can’t give you anything,’ he said with a callous expression. ‘I’m dead, you’re alive. This is only going to end in heartbreak. So I’m ending this now.’

        “But you promised,” I said with tears rolling down my cheek and my heart chattering into a million pieces, with no one to pick them up.

        “I know, I shouldn’t have made that promise,” he apologized without any sympathy in his still suddenly beautiful voice. He stood up, I did as well. I can’t…I can’t lose him again. “ I have to go. I’ll talk to the Elders about, I don’t know…about this...I guess. I’m sorry, Brandy. I will always love you, but I can’t do this. This isn’t fair to you. Be with someone who is alive and who can give you children and everything you want in life.’

        “But you’re what I want in life, even if you’re dead. All I want is you…nothing more. Please don’t go Ville. I can’t lose you again. Please,” I pleaded. This isn’t happening, please don’t let it happen…please.

        “I’m sorry, I love you.” Ville whispered. Before he left, he gave me a kiss and vanished to wherever he was supposed to go. Oh no.

 

          I started to cry in my sleep now, saying “No, no, no.” over and over and over…

        I’m going cold, no air, no heartbeat. And with my last breath, I die. I feel my spirit descend from my frail body, so light. I look around as I now am out of myself, looking for my Reaper.

        “What are you doing?” I heard his voice call out sharply from behind me. I whirled around, slightly too elated, but at the same time, scared of what I just done. I sighed, but smirked.

        “Oh, you know, just killed myself…you?” I answered back nonchalantly. His eyes tightened and caught a glimpse of my dead self. Fury struck his face in a heartbeat, if he and I had one at the moment. He looked back at me with rage, but hidden in his eyes was grief and guilt.

        “Get back in your body now. You still have a chance Brandy.” He ordered at once. But I stood still. I kept my face emotionless and still, like a statue. I didn’t move. “What are you waiting for?! Go! Now!” he was now hollering but nobody else seemed to notice but me. Well, that’s cause I’m dead but whatever.

       

          I grasped my chest. My heart beating faster and faster. The crying continued.

 

        “Brandy?” I heard a familiar voice crack from the other side of the door. “Can you come out here please? We all need to talk to you.” The voice asked. Silence. “Brandy? Come on, please.” Silence. “I know you’re mad at me for kissing you…but…please?” Oh shit…Gerard? I’m not mad at him! I thought he was mad at me! He’s gonna find me dead! Oh no!

        “No, Gerard! Don’t come in!” I tried to yell at him, but obviously he can’t hear me cause I’m a ghost. The door crept open and Gerard’s head popped in. He saw my laying on my bed. He must think I’m asleep. He walked over to me slowly and knelt down beside me. Ville and I both watched this tragedy unfold.

 

         No! No! No! Wake up! Just wake up!

       

        The note, the tears, the Elders…

 

          “No! No! No!” I screamed in my sleep. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

          “Brandy…wake up…” I heard a voice call from beside me. Two hands grasped my shoulders to stop me from moving.

          “Ville! Help me!” I screamed as I shot up, waking with a tear-stained face. I started to sob as I noticed four familiar faces in my room. Sofia, Gerard, Ville, and Frankie. Gerard, the one who had his hands on my shoulders, wrapped his arms around me in a hug. Ville sat on my bed and rubbed my back. Sofia and Frankie sat on the other side of my bed, not really knowing what to do.

          “Brandy, are you okay?” Gerard whispered in my ear.

          “No,” I sobbed. “I’m sorry. I did something bad. I didn’t mean. I didn’t want to be alone.”

          “Brandy, what are you talking about? What did you do?” Gerard asked me as he let me out of his hug.

          “Am I dead?” I asked curiously, looking around the room. Everything seemed to be in place. This isn’t the room that I had died in in my dream.

          “What? No. No, you’re not dead.” Gerard said.

          “But it was so real. I should be dead. Or did it work? Was it a dream…?” I began to talk to myself.

          “It was only a dream, Brandy. You’re okay. Whatever happened in your dream, it didn’t really happen.” Gerard said trying to reassure me.

          “Oh,” Sofia gasped at once as she realized what dream I was talking about. “Oh my God,” she sighed as everybody suddenly looked at her. “Brandy, we need to talk about this later, okay?” I nodded, and leaned against Ville. It was so real, so, so real.

 

To be continued…

 

 

Well...me and my friend Rachel got finished reading "Romeo and Juliet" in our english classes and we got extra bored to day so we went through all these rock stars and models and chose rolls for them to play in "Romeo and Juliet"...here's our cast...and btw...it was totally random and muy fun...

Romeo Montague: Alex Evans

Juliet Capulet: Mandy Murders

Lord Montague: Gabe Saporta

Lady Montague: Zui Suicide

Lord Capulet: Kaiden Blake

Lady Capulet: Atilla

Friar Lawrence: Jeffree Star

Nurse: Audrey Kitching

Mercutio: Adam Lazzara

Tybalt: Johnny Christ

Paris: Ash Wills (yes Rachel does know about False Start)

The Prince: Andrew Morrison

Benvolio: Lauri Ylonen

Friar John: Ville Valo

Rosaline: Kiki Kannibal

Apothecary: Raquel Reed

 

Now all we need to do is assign rolls to play Balthasar, Abram, Sampson, Gregory, Peetuchio, Peter, and some servingmen...lol...we're so random...lmao

 

 

I closed the door gently as I entered the house. It's only 9 am, I wonder if Sofia is still asleep. Last night was so wonderful, oh my gosh, I'm still all giddy about it. Hmm, well, I am supposed to wake Sofia up, and she did tell me to tell her every detail from this date. God, I'm so evil.

"Where were you?" I heard Sofia's voice call from the stairs. "I was fricken worried!" Okay, she's awake. But I still planned it, I'm still evil, haha.

"Ville and I fell asleep at some park he took me to last night." I smiled, showing all of my pearly whites. Sofia got the hint that I was, of course, happy, like a pig in shit. Yeah, I am THAT happy.

"Ooohhh, you guys had...fun?" Oh my god, I can see where this is headed.

"Yes, we had fun." I said coyly.

"So, did you guys...??"

"No!" I interupted. "We had fun, not that much fun, Sof."

"Fine, then describe 'fun' for me, then." she yawned as she plopped down on the couch. I plopped down right beside her and stared as if I was staring off into Heaven.

"Okay...how 'bout this. He took me to midnight picnic in a really beautiful park with rose petals and candles and food. And we talked for most of the night and we kissed, and we fell asleep in each others arms," I sighed heavenly. "I wish it coulda lasted forever."

"Wait, so you guys did sleep together except you weren't naked or anything. How cute." Sofia grinned.

"Sofia, your mind id really in the gutter today." I commented as I stood up, heading for my bedroom. I need to change, or sleep, one of those two.

"Wait, Brandy," Sofia said, standing up behind me. "Did you have any strange dreams last night?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked, suddenly curious as I remembered the dream I had last night.

"What was yours about?"

"I don't know, I was in some white room with Ville and some chic named Prudence. Did you have a strange dream too?" I asked. She nodded. "What was it about?"

"I don't know, it was really creepy. You were dead, I was reading your suicide note to Gerard and some guy and everyone was just really sad. I woke up crying 'cause it seemed so real." she said with a tear in her eye.

"Sof, I had the same dream a couple nights ago, except I was a spirit and Ville was death. This has to mean something."

"Or maybe it's just a coincidence or, or some subconscious thing. Like, when we were kids, the troubles we had, maybe they're coming back?" she suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," I replied. "I'm gonna go get some sleep and shizz. If Ville calls, tell him I'm sleeping." Wow, this is so weird. I wonder if Ville is is having the same dreams.

 

to be continued...

I have a cold =(

Damn, why do I have to be sick? I have so many projects due this week and I'm sick! damn it! *sigh* This sucks...

{Brandy's Dream}

I was in a large, white-ish room eith Ville, our hands entertwined. I was shaking uncontrollablely and I don't know why. Something horrible has happened, but what? What could lead me to this dreadful room?

"What in the world is she doing here?" A womans voice called from behind. Ville and I both jumped. He sighed and turned around, I did as well but I hid behind him. I clutched his arm and his my face behind his shoulder but I still peeked up at the silhouette before us. The light in the room was so bright that all I could see was her outline until she approached us.

"Prudence, something terrible has happened." Ville stated in his adorable Finnish accent.

"I know," she muttered with an acidy tone of voice. "But why would you bring her?"

"She's dead. She's not supposed to be dead! She's supposed to be alive and getting on with her life!" bursted Ville. He sighed and calmed himself down. "We need to do something, we need to fix this."

"Alright," she said, now locking her attention on the cowering me behind Ville. "I'll get Lucias, Aros, and William. We'll come up with something."

"William? What does William have to do with this?" Ville asked. Prudence raised her left brow.

"Well, for one, he already knows about this, two he can help fix your little situation."

I woke up in a cold sweat. I wasn't in my room, I was in the park, lying next to Ville. We must of fallen asleep. He looks so adorable. I don't wanna wake him, but how else am I going to get home? I slightly nudged his shoulder. He twitched and threw his arm around me, squishing me up against him.

"Ville," I whispered in his ear. "Wake up. We've got to go."

"No." he said, with his eyes still closed.

"Viiillleeee....I have to get home. Sofia will have a cow if I'm not there to wake her!"

"Five more minutes?" he squealed, though he probably didn't mean to. I sighed and layed my head on his shoulders.

"Okay, five minutes." I gave in.

"How 'bout you make it five hours?" he smirked. I giggled and nodded my head 'no.' "I tried, I tried." he snickered.

 

to be continued...

Everytime I ask for help (other than on here) it gets thrown back in my face. A couple weeks ago, or at least a month and a half ago...I went to my guidance counselor, about to have another breakdown, and I told her straight out that I do not want to be with my family anymore and that I just wanna leave! and that I was going to freak out if no one helps me...so I had to wait forever just to see the school social worker and that took a week! Then I had to wait for the Aldersgate people who were not interested in me what so ever....just because my sister took more pills than I did...I'm not important....and now Family Based Services is coming....FOR MY OLDER SISTER! I'm the one who asked for help, I'm the one who wants it. But, I'm not going to get it because I'm apparently not important. And we are supposed to be doing Family Therapy, after the first time I did family therapy, I promised myself that I wouldn't do it ever again. And I can't talk in front of my family about my problems until I know what my problems are. I'm so pissed off!

I have a major headache...but I'm on here anyways...nothing to do and plus I'm talking to Juju on AIM....that's right...I got an AIM!!! *awesome rock noises in the background worthy!* lol...

And BTW...this is really random, but I've been thinking of a lot of Fanfics to do after "Love Reaper" and you all know that I'm going to rewrite the first "Romeo Is Dead"...lol...but I did randomly start writing another story yesterday in my journal...it's really random...lmao

Yeah...ummm....I'm tired...*yawns*...i NEED pepsi...lmao

 

Things are kind of going good now, I think…I hope. Well, Syn and I have been hanging out a lot lately, I mean a lot. It seems like we’ve built a tangible friendship. Though, I do think I’ve been acting sort of like a ‘tease’ a little. I mean, Val told me that I have. She’s been kind of a tease before M asked her out. I don’t know, maybe I am a little. But, maybe she’s just yanking my chain.

       Basically everyone is her today watching movies and just hanging out here at my house. There was

M and Val, Zacky and Phoebe, Johnny and Rose,

and Rev and Sheila. And, of course, Syn and I as

well. Everyone was all tacit while the movie was

playing. It was kind of eerie in a sense if you know

what I mean. Well, maybe it had something to do with the movie being a horror movie (guys choice, figures) with blood, guts, zombies, and psychopathic murderers. Basically every little freaky/scary thing that happened, all of the girls cringed or gasped or, like me, his behind on of the guys’ arms. I had gotten into the habit of squeezing the crap out of Syn’s hand, but he only giggled a little when I did. The other times in the movie, I remained quiescent. Is this why guys always take chic’s to horror movies? Humph, pervs.

       During all of the boring parts of the movie, I spent the time thinking about random things. I kept ruminating about what it would be like if I hadn’t talked to M or Syn. I wonder if things would’ve stayed the same as before. Hmmmm, what a question, huh? I couldn’t imagine what would happen if I hadn’t talked to either of them. My thoughts are trenchant.

       “Syn?” I whispered in his ear as the movie ended and soft conversations started amongst the others in the room.

       “Hmmmm?” he said as he turned his head to meet my hazel eyes.

       “Am I a ‘tease’?” I asked, playing with his hand. Eh, maybe I am a little bit of a tease…?

“Not really,” he lied, watching me play with his hand. I think he’s trying to quell what he really wants to say.

       “Not really?” I asked innocently.

       “Well, you flirt a little, that’s all.” He explained quickly. He smiled a little, showing his vampiresque type tooth that fit in perfectly with his crooked smile. All he needs to do is become nocturnal and drink peoples blood. That’ll be perfect, haha.  

       “Maybe I should try to control that.” I smiled as Synyster snickered.

       “Nah, it’s okay. I don’t mind.” He grinned. Hmm, I must be a good flirt, teehee.

       “Hey Syn, can I ask you a question? Well, besides this question.” I asked.

       “Sure. Shoot.”

       “What did you and M talk about the night that you and I first ate lunch together?” I asked with curiosity written on my face.

       “Oh, that,” his face lightened up. Ha, this is totally irrelevant to our earlier conversation. “Well, besides talking about you,” he said. “We thought that maybe we could start a band.”

       “Wow, a band? Okay, who would do what? And who’s in the band?” I asked quickly.

       “Haha, okay…Ummm…M would be the singer, I would be the lead guitarist, Zacky would be the guitarist, Johnny would be the bassist and The Rev would be the drummer.” He smiled greatly.

       “Have you guys inveterated where you guys would practice?”

       “Well, uh, here, I guess.” He shrugged his shoulders.

       “So, what are you guys going to name the band?”

       “’Avenged Sevenfold.’ How cool is that?” Syn said with a certain glisten in his eyes.

       That’s really cool. You do know that I’m going to be your guys’ groupie right?” I laughed. My cheeks hurt from smiling too much.

       “How did I know that you were going to say that?” He laughed as well.

 

"Sofia! Sofia! Sofia! Sofia! Sofia! Sofia! SOFIA!" I blasted through the front door with a huge smile on my face. Sofia, Gerard, Aleena, Judith, Rachel, Ana, and Adam were sitting on the couch when I arrived home that early evening after the wonderous time I had at the park. "Hi guys!" I gasped for breath.

"What's up, Brandy?" Sofia laughed her adorable little laugh. "You seem very excited."

"Yeah! I so am! I had the bestest time in the park EVER!" I said all giddy like with big eyes and the speech of a five year old. That happens when I'm really excited...as you can see.

"Bestest?" Aleena laughed as well. "You must be really excited to be saying 'bestest'."

"I am!"

"Okay, what happened?" both Judith and Ana said at the same time.

"I met a really awesome guy named Ville and he wants to hang out with me tomorrow! God, I feel like a gossiping preppy girl!" I giggled.

"So....details....how did you meet?" Judith egged on. I glanced over at Gerard and Adam, who were rolling their eyes, and laughed. They both got up and headed straight for the kitchen.

"Where are you guys going?" Aleena asked.

"Kitchen," Adam said. "We don't do girl talk!" he teased. Aleena stuck her tongue at them and turned back to us."

"So...go on!" Ana said.

"Okay, so...I was reading my book and all of a sudden, a blue frisbee bonks me on the head! And it hurt! And this really cute guy runs up to me and is all like 'I'm sorry,' and he looks at my head because the frisbee made a mark on my head," I explained, pointing to the cut the frisbee made on my head. "And he said that it was his friend, Bam, who threw the frisbee and introduced himself and I introduced myself. And before I knew it, he asked if I wanted to hang tomorrow. So I said yes." I smiled.

"Well, you better give us details tomorrow. And I wanna meet this guy, 'kay?" Sofia said, raising one brow and snickered.

"'Kay." I said curtly.

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(About a week later) {Brandy's dream}

 

And the deed was done. All I had to do was wait. Wait for the meds to kick in and wait for my Reaper to appear. But I began to wonder as I was lying on my bed, slwoly dying of an overdose. Is this really worth it? Is it worth another possible heartache from the man/Reaper that cuased me pain two times already? I have no idea, really. But, I will at least try to fight for him is possible. If he's not willing to fight for me, why not fight for him?

I'm going numb, my heartbeat is growing weaker and i'm gasping for breath each passing second as my breathing goes slower. My eyelids are getting heavier and I feel a sudden death creeping up on me. My breathing slows even more, I'm slipping in and out of consciousness. I only know this because of the voices downstairs, everytime I re-awake, a can hear a new conversation arising from them. But they don't know I'm dying.

I'm going cold, no air, no heartbeat. And with my last breath, I die. I feel my spirit descend from my frail body, so light. I look around as am I now out of myself, looking for my Reaper.

"What are you doing?" I heard his voice call out sharply from behind me. I whirled around, slightly too elated, but at the same time, scared of what I had just done. I sighed, but smirked.

"Oh, you know, I just killed myself....you?" I answered back nonchalantly. His eyes tighting and caught a glimpse at my dead self. Fury struck his face in a heartbeat, if he and I had one at the moment. He looked back at me with rage, but hidden in his eyes was grief and guilt.

"Get back in your body, now. You still have a chance, Brandy." He ordered at once. But I stood still. I kept my face emotionless and still, like a statue. I didn't move. "What are you waiting for! Go! Now!" he was now hollering but nobody else seemed to notice but me. Well, that's cause I'm dead but whatever.

"No," I said firmly. "Ville, do you seriously thik that I could've lived with this heartbreak and this suffering. My best friend is angry at me and then you decide to leave me again. What reason was a good enough reason for yo to give up Ville? What did I do?" I ranted.

"Nothing, you did nothing. It was me, okay? Now, please, I want you to live. Will you please go back into your body?" he pleaded now, the fury erased fro mhis face and the guilt took over. I approached him and shook my head.

"Ville, please, tell me. I at least deserve to know." I whispered firmly. My eyes met his in a gaze, but then he broke it by looking at my corpse yet again.

"I already knew about the kiss before you told me," he confessed. "I ended early and I saw the look on your face after he kissed you. I know you don't love him the way you love me, but you still do love Gerard. And he's alive and he can give you everything you need in life. Please, go back in your body. If not for me, then for your friends and family," he pleaded again.

"No, Ville. Look, I do love Gerard, but more like a brother. I basically grew up with him. I have never had any thoughts about him like that. You are the one I want. I don't care if you're dead or not. I still love you."

In that instant, a knock came at my door yet again. It didn't sound like Sofia was knocking, her knock is gentle, this one was not. Is it Bam maybe?

"Brandy?" I heard a familiar voice crack from the other side of the door. "Can you come out here please? We all need to talkto you." The voice asked. Silence. "Brandy? Come on, please?" Silence. "I know you're mad at me for kissing you...but...please?" Oh shit...Gerard? I'm not mad at him! I thought he was mad at me! He's gonna find me dead! Oh no!

"No, Gerard! Don't come in!" I tried to yell at him, but obviously he can't hear me cause I'm a ghost. The door crept open and Gerards head popped in. He saw my laying on my bed. He must think I'm asleep. He walked over to me slowly and knelt down beside me. Ville and I both watched this tragedy unfold.

"This is what you leave behind when you kill yourself." Ville whispered in my ear.

"Oh, shut up Ville. This isn't funny!" I gasped.

"I wasn't trying to be funny."

"Brandy?" Gerard said, slightly shaking my corpse. "Brandy, wake up," his voice had gotten frantic now. "Brandy...please wake up!" he was shaking me harder. "Please....Sofia! Bam!" he hollered for my other friends. I heard the footsteps of them both run up the stairs and to my room. "She won't wake up!" Gerard sobbed.

"Look," Sofia said as she saw my suicide note carefully placed on my dresser. "A note," her face had gotten white and she started to read the note aloud to the other two. "To everyone, I really suck at writing goodbye letters. I know you all are going to hate me for this, but I have to do this. I won't let myself suffer for love anymore. And maybe when I'm gone, I'll finally be with Ville. I don't want to leave this on a bad note. And Gerard, I do love you, but more like a brother. Please don't be mad at me, please. And to the rest of my friends, I love you all. Thank you for being there for me when Ville died and for just being there for me when I needed you all the most. Please don't hate me. And please don't hate yourselves for what I'm going to do. I love you, all of you. I'm sorry. Love Forever, Brandy xoxo."

"She can't be..." Bam started, then shook his head. "She can't be dead. She...she can't!" he whimpered.

Sofia crawled herself on my bed and layed next to me. She layed her head on my chest and found no heartbeat. A tear rolled down her cheek and onto my shirt, staining it with a drop of mascara.

"Ville!" I turned around to him with a sad expression on my face. I threw my arms around him and he hugged me back. I did make a mistake, but...I don't know. I didn't want to suffer. But I still am suffering, even in death.

"I know some people who can fix this," he told me. "Come with me, I'll take you to them."'

I awoke with a jolt. The dream....it was just...so scary. So real. But everyone looked different. I was dead. Ville was death. Sofia was damaged, Gerard was broken, and Bam (though I never really offically met him) was sad and confused. Maybe  it's pre-date jitters. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Ville asked me out yesterday. He wants to take me out tonight. I'm really excited, I think. Well, concsiously I'm excited. Maybe subconcsiously I'm frightened? Maybe...

I looked at my clock and gasped. I've been asleep ALL DAY! It's 6 pm! He's picking me up soon! Shit shit shit! I quickly jumped out of bed and took a quick shower, blow dried my hair and went to pick out my outfit for tonight. What to wear...hmm. Got it! I scrambled to my drawers and pulled out a white dress that went down to my knees. It was a simple dress; white, noodle-straped dress. I don't wear it a lot, but I will wear it tonight. I quickly threw it on, put on some make upand did my hair in clip. I put on my winged necklace that my friend rachel gave me in the 9th grade and a ring with two hearts on it that my other friend Tanya gave me in the 8th grade.

"Brandy!" Sofia called form the living room. "Ville's here! And you're right, he is hot!" Oh no, damn her. Must she embarass me?!

"Coming!" I replied back in a hurry. I walked out of my room and into the living room where Ville, Sofia, and not surprisingly, Gerard. Ville looked absolutely adorable. He was wearing a black sweater, a black trench coat-ish coat, tight black pants, and his adorable beanie and scarf.

"Wow," he said as I entered the living room. "You look beautiful." I smiled and blushed.

"You look beautiful too," I said. "I mean handsome, you look handsome." Ah, I'm such a twit.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked innocently. He smiled as I nodded my head.

"Have fun!" Sofia shouted after us as we walked out the door. I waved goodbye to her and caught a glimpse of Gerard before I closed the door, he looked jealous. Ville walked me to his car, which is a sexy car, and opened the door for me like a gentleman. As soon as he got in, we left.

"So, where are we going?" I asked curiously. I looked at him and he had a crooked smile on his face.

"It's a surprise," He said. "But, I know it's gonna take a little while to get there. That's all I'm gonna say." he quickly added. "So, you wanna talk?"

"About what?" I said slyly.

"Anything. We've gotta keep ourselves occupied as we're heading to where I'm taking you." he smiled.

"Hmmm....say something in Finnish." I demanded innocently.

"Okay...uh...Sina katsella kaunis." he smiled to himself.

"What does that mean?"

"It means: you look beautiful. Which you do. You do look beautiful." I blushed deeply and smiled.

"How you do you 'thank you?'" I grinned, raising one brow as he quickly glanced at me.

"Kiittaa sina." he said.

"Kiittaa Sina, then."

We left my house at 8 as he promised, and we drove for approximately 4 hours! But that's quite alright with me. Ville and I talked the whole time. We never got bored with our conversation which lasted forever. We basically talked about our friends and how wonderfully weird they are and about just random things.

Ville pulled into a parking lot of some park. He parked his car and turned to me, holding out a blindfold.

"What's this?" I asked. My heart missed a few beats.

"I have to blindfold you." he grinned.

"Why?"

"You'll see soon. Now turn around." I sighed and turned around. I felt the blindfold slip over my eyes, blinding me from what he's going to show me. I heard his car door open then close and a few short moments later my door opened and I felt him unbuckle my seatbelt and take my hand into his.

"Come on, let's go." he whispered in my ear. I couldn't help but smile. I got out, almost falling haha, and we started walking to wherever it is we were going. It only took us about ten minutes before we got to there.

"We're here." he whispered in my ear again. And I took off my blindfold and was totally amazed by what he had surprised me with. I gasped and smiled hugely. He had set up a midnight picnic in the park! He had rose petals spread all around the blanket and the only lighting there was was by the stars, moon, and two little candles. It's so romantic!

"So, do you like it?" Ville asked.

"Yes! I love it!" I said, whirling around and throwing my arms around him. I heard him giggle and hug me back. "Ville, this is so beautiful!"

"Well, come on. Let's bask in it's beauty." he smiled, leading me to the picnic blanket. Ville had prepared a beautiful and yummy dinner for us. And dessert to. We've been sitting here eating and talking for hours. I cuddled up right beside him with his arms tightly around me. I layed my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His hand was stroking my arm. I smiled and giggled a little.

"What?" he asked, giggling as well.

"Nothing," I said, still smiling. "I just really like this." I confessed.

"Me too." he replied in his velvet sounding Finnish voice.

I looked up at him, our eyes got looked in a gaze. He inched toward me and I inched toward him and our lips met.

 

to be continued...

 

 

http://villevaloluvva12.buzznet.com/user/journal/2221711/vampires-will-never-hurt-you/?R=1305626826&N_C=1

read Jade's awesome ass story which is awesome and leave a comment and read it again and again and again! NOW! Go! Go read it! Now! Stop staring at this and go read it! Gosh! GO READ NOW!

Thank you!

 

xoxo Brandy a.k.a. Mikey

OKay, so I get to school all in a happy-smappy mood...you know...all bouncy and hyper like....well...after 1st period...that all went to shit. I mean, Sofia wasn't in school for the second day in a row and I went through Sofia-withdraw *inside joke thingy...lol* and Rachel wasn't here either and she can't not be here when we have gym! I was all alone! But, in 3rd period, which is my English class, we had to do a journal where we had to come up with an alterative ending to 'Romeo and Juliet' that didn't involve suicide. So my alt. ending was "Mercutio came back from the grave to seek vengeance on his accused murders. He found out that Tyblat has been slain by Romeo so he decided to just go after Romeo. Mercutio finds out that Romeo has been living in Mantua with his young wife, Juliet, who happens to be a Capulet. So, he travels to Mantua to find out where the young couple lives. Once he does that, he stalks them to find out what their weaknesses are and then he would attack. Mercutio soon learns that Juliet is pregnant and decides to spare her and the baby. So, one night, he creeps into the house and slaughters Romeo in his sleep, leaving no evidence of who might of done the crime. Juliets finds Romeo dead and wants to kill herself but stays alive for the sake of the unborn baby.'

Yeah, I know it's a little creepy, but I have a very creative imagination. I read this alloud and the class laughed at me. Some other kid just said that Romeo starts his own restuarante and buys a house with 3 beds and 3 baths. But he didn't get laughed at, only I did. But wasn't mine what more of like what Shakespeare woulda written? Grrrr! And then, in Gym, I was all alone cuz Rachel wasn't here. We had the choice to play football, tennis, lacrosse or walk the track. I, of course, walked the track. But I was seriously all alone besides a couple people who didn't even bother to notice me.

At lunch, there was like no one at our table cuz everyone stayed home *I missed Sofia a lot* and some kid asked his friend *thinking that I wasn't paying attention* if he would take me to the formal, and the kid said I was too ugly :(     Yeah, that really helped my self-esteem.

Can this day get any worse?

"God, what time is it?" I yawned as I awoke from a deep sleep with a painful headache. What did I do last night? I glanced over at my clock. 8:42 am it read. Ugh, another day, another headache....besides this one. I slowly rose from my comfy bed. I feel like I'm missing something, something big, but what is it?

"Brandy!" I heard one of my bestest friends, Sofia, call form the living room. "Are you up?" I laughed a little. She probably just got up as well.

"Yeah, Sofia! I'm up!" I called back with a little humor in my voice. I heard her yawn and snicker as well. We've been doing this for the past couple months since I moved in with her. Or, I should say, since I moved out of my 'rents house. Oh, I am so happy about that! Freedom!

"Okay! Hurry up and get ready!" she started laughing. "Frank wants to know if you wanna hang with him tonight and he won't stop calling my cell phone! Why doesn't he call yours!" Sofia cracked up in sheer annoyance. Why doesn't he call my cell? I've been wondering that for days on end now.

"I don't know, Sof. It's Frank." is all I could manage to say. I dragged my way over to my closet picking out my Avenged Sevenfold tee, a awesome frilly tu-tu like skirt, and my plaid leggings. I changed quickly and headed to my vanity to do my hair and makeup. I quickly applied my cover up, four shades of blended eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and clipped it up. And I headed to the kitchen because I'm hungry...duh!

The frige was slightly ajar and I happened to notice a pepsi and bowl of Frosted Flakes on the table waiting to be munched on.

"Aww! You made me breakfast!" I said as Sofia entered the room. She was wearing a black tee with a fish-net shirt over it, leopard print skinnies and her new black doc martens. Adorable.

"No bitch, that's my food!" she said. We both cracked up at the same time, nearly pissing our pants' while doing so. "Naw, I'm just kidding! I'm feeling extra generous today...I don't know why. I just am. Maybe it's cuz I love you."

"Aww! I love you too, Sofia!" I said as I hugged her. We've been best friends since the 8th grade. And since now we're roommates...it's just way cooler.

"Are you going to the park today?" She asked as we both sat down at the table. Sofia was eating her normal apple for breakfast and she had her sketchpad out next to her, preparing herself to draw when she's finished.

"Yeah, why?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Well, you just seem to hang out there a lot, that's all." She shrugged.

"Oh, well, I like the park. It let's me think and get fresh air at the same time.Hey," I said as I realized something. "Do you think I'm  cheating on you with another best friend?" I teased. She looked up immediately and cracked a huge smile across her pretty face.

"No! Well, there is Gerard..." she said, changing the subject ever so cleverly.

"Sofia...."

"Come on, Brandy! You know he loves you!" she exclaimed with sheer enjoyment.

"I know. But, I don't know. I don't have the same feelings for him, you know?" I said with a saddened expression on my face.

"Awww, cheer up kiddo," she smiled.

I sighed and got up to put my bowl in the sink.

"I'm going to the park. I'll see you when I get back, okay?"

"Okay...have fun! And remember to SMILE!" she hollered behind me. I giggled and made my way to the hidden park behind the cemetery.

********************************************************************************************

I was sitting on a bench near the big oak tree in the park, reading 'Queen of the Damned' by Anne Rice which is my favorite book. It's nice outside, and since I have a clear imagination, it helps me to see the book better in my head. 'Pandora stared as if through a dim glass,' I read in my head with great imagination. '"I have no taste for bringing death," she answered in an even softer whisper. "It is enough for me to see it in the falling leaves. I cannot believe good things can come form bloodshed. For that's the crux, my Queen. The horrors happen sti;;, but good men and...'

"Ouch!" I gasped as a blue frisbee hit me in the head, and as I dropped the book from my lap. Those things really hurt! Who knew that frisbee's could be so dangerous?!

I looked up at the top of my head, not quite lifting it, and saw a man wearing a beanie running towards me...probably for his frisbee...but I couldn't help but notice how beautiful his eyes were, so green. I kept my head bent down and my hand clasped on the spot where the frisbee hit it. He bent down in front of me and picked up his frisbee and then my book and placed it back on my lap. His eyes met mine and then he spoke in the cutest accent imaginable.

"I'm so sorry," he said, kinda laughing but looking at my forehead to look at the mark on it that his frisbee made.

"It's okay," I said raising my hand and touching my head. "My mom warned me about blue frisbees and guys wearing beanies. I guessed I shoulda paid more attention to the things she said." I said, breaking a smile across my face. The relief on his face lightened up my mood. he extended his hand to mine and shook my hand gently.

"I'm Ville," he introduced.

"I'm Brandy." I smiled back.

"It's nice to meet you, Brandy." he said politely. I grinned and chuckled a bit. "And I'm still sorry for hitting you with my frisbee. Well, it wasn't me actually. It was my friend, bam, over there," he explained, pointing behind him to a lovely guy with beauriful blue eyes. "He's kind of a jackass."

"It's alright," I reassured him. "I've met my fair share of jackasses in the past."

"Well, then you know what I'm talking about," he giggled. He's so cute! I only smiled, and blushed, with a giggled mixed into it. Oh, am I flirting?!I'm not good at flirting! Ek!

"Well, I've got to go," I said as I stood up. He stood up as well and let me day this, he is really tall! I waved goodbye and started my way back home.

"Wait!" I heard him call from behind.I stopped and i let him catch up to me. "Do you want to hang out sometime?"

I smiled and nodded yes, of course. "How's tomorrow for you?" I asked with a devilish smirk on my face.

"Tomorrows good. You wanna meet here?" he asked.

"Okay." is all I said before I departed. I tried to act blase but my giddiness kinda sorta shone through a little. Oh well, who could blame me, right?

 

to be continued...

And the deed was done. All I had to do was wait. Wait for the meds to kick in and wait for my Reaper to appear. But I began to wonder as I was lying on my bed, slwoly dying of an overdose. Is this really worth it? Is it worth another possible heartache from the man/Reaper that cuased me pain two times already? I have no idea, really. But, I will at least try to fight for him is possible. If he's not willing to fight for me, why not fight for him?

I'm going numb, my heartbeat is growing weaker and i'm gasping for breath each passing second as my breathing goes slower. My eyelids are getting heavier and I feel a sudden death creeping up on me. My breathing slows even more, I'm slipping in and out of consciousness. I only know this because of the voices downstairs, everytime I re-awake, a can hear a new conversation arising from them. But they don't know I'm dying.

I'm going cold, no air, no heartbeat. And with my last breath, I die. I feel my spirit descend from my frail body, so light. I look around as am I now out of myself, looking for my Reaper.

"What are you doing?" I heard his voice call out sharply from behind me. I whirled around, slightly too elated, but at the same time, scared of what I had just done. I sighed, but smirked.

"Oh, you know, I just killed myself....you?" I answered back nonchalantly. His eyes tighting and caught a glimpse at my dead self. Fury struck his face in a heartbeat, if he and I had one at the moment. He looked back at me with rage, but hidden in his eyes was grief and guilt.

"Get back in your body, now. You still have a chance, Brandy." He ordered at once. But I stood still. I kept my face emotionless and still, like a statue. I didn't move. "What are you waiting for! Go! Now!" he was now hollering but nobody else seemed to notice but me. Well, that's cause I'm dead but whatever.

"No," I said firmly. "Ville, do you seriously thik that I could've lived with this heartbreak and this suffering. My best friend is angry at me and then you decide to leave me again. What reason was a good enough reason for yo to give up Ville? What did I do?" I ranted.

"Nothing, you did nothing. It was me, okay? Now, please, I want you to live. Will you please go back into your body?" he pleaded now, the fury erased fro mhis face and the guilt took over. I approached him and shook my head.

"Ville, please, tell me. I at least deserve to know." I whispered firmly. My eyes met his in a gaze, but then he broke it by looking at my corpse yet again.

"I already knew about the kiss before you told me," he confessed. "I ended early and I saw the look on your face after he kissed you. I know you don't love him the way you love me, but you still do love Gerard. And he's alive and he can give you everything you need in life. Please, go back in your body. If not for me, then for your friends and family," he pleaded again.

"No, Ville. Look, I do love Gerard, but more like a brother. I basically grew up with him. I have never had any thoughts about him like that. You are the one I want. I don't care if you're dead or not. I still love you."

In that instant, a knock came at my door yet again. It didn't sound like Sofia was knocking, her knock is gentle, this one was not. Is it Bam maybe?

"Brandy?" I heard a familiar voice crack from the other side of the door. "Can you come out here please? We all need to talkto you." The voice asked. Silence. "Brandy? Come on, please?" Silence. "I know you're mad at me for kissing you...but...please?" Oh shit...Gerard? I'm not mad at him! I thought he was mad at me! He's gonna find me dead! Oh no!

"No, Gerard! Don't come in!" I tried to yell at him, but obviously he can't hear me cause I'm a ghost. The door crept open and Gerards head popped in. He saw my laying on my bed. He must think I'm asleep. He walked over to me slowly and knelt down beside me. Ville and I both watched this tragedy unfold.

"This is what you leave behind when you kill yourself." Ville whispered in my ear.

"Oh, shut up Ville. This isn't funny!" I gasped.

"I wasn't trying to be funny."

"Brandy?" Gerard said, slightly shaking my corpse. "Brandy, wake up," his voice had gotten frantic now. "Brandy...please wake up!" he was shaking me harder. "Please....Sofia! Bam!" he hollered for my other friends. I heard the footsteps of them both run up the stairs and to my room. "She won't wake up!" Gerard sobbed.

"Look," Sofia said as she saw my suicide note carefully placed on my dresser. "A note," her face had gotten white and she started to read the note aloud to the other two. "To everyone, I really suck at writing goodbye letters. I know you all are going to hate me for this, but I have to do this. I won't let myself suffer for love anymore. And maybe when I'm gone, I'll finally be with Ville. I don't want to leave this on a bad note. And Gerard, I do love you, but more like a brother. Please don't be mad at me, please. And to the rest of my friends, I love you all. Thank you for being there for me when Ville died and for just being there for me when I needed you all the most. Please don't hate me. And please don't hate yourselves for what I'm going to do. I love you, all of you. I'm sorry. Love Forever, Brandy xoxo."

"She can't be..." Bam started, then shook his head. "She can't be dead. She...she can't!" he whimpered.

Sofia crawled herself on my bed and layed next to me. She layed her head on my chest and found no heartbeat. A tear rolled down her cheek and onto my shirt, staining it with a drop of mascara.

"Ville!" I turned around to him with a sad expression on my face. I threw my arms around him and he hugged me back. I did make a mistake, but...I don't know. I didn't want to suffer. But I still am suffering, even in death.

"I know some people who can fix this," he told me. "Come with me, I'll take you to them."

 

to be continued...

Why does everyone I know seem to get hurt by glass? In the past two weeks...a couple of my friends were hurt by broken glass *which freakin scares me!*

First, Mike falls through a glass roof! *long story...*

Then, my Sofia somehow gets her arm through a window!

Ouchies!

Glass is mean! But shiny....but really mean! grrrr

...Cuz it's so true!

I sat in my room, dark, alone, and left with a broken heart. I sat there silently crying, my heart stained with the venomous words that Ville had left me before he left. I can't give you anything, he had said with a callous expression. I'm dead, you're alive. This is only going to end in heartbreak. So, I'm ending this now.

'But you promised,' I said with tears rolling down my cheek and my heart shattering into a million pieces, with no one to pick them up.

'I know, I shouldn't have made that promise,' he apologized without any sympathy in his still stunningly beautiful voice. He stood up, and I did as well. I can't...I can't lose him again. 'I have to go. I'll talk to the Elders about...i don't know....this I guess. I'm sorry, Brandy. I will always love you, but I can't do this. This isn't fair to you. Be with someone who is alive and who can give you children and everything you want in life.'

'But...you're what I want in life, even if you are dead. All I want is you...nothing more. Please, don't go, Ville. I can't lose you again. Please.' I pleaded. This isn't happening, please don't let it happen...please.

'I'm sorry. I love you.' Ville whispered. Before he left, he gave me a kiss and then vanished to wherever he was supposed to go. Oh no.

I cried, clutching his beanie in my hands and staining it with my tears. What had happened to cause this? What did I do? The only thing I did was love him. Was that wrong to love him? Or was it the Gerard thing? But that couldn't be it, he just found out? What do I tell everybody? What should I say? What should I tell myself tomorrow morning when I look for a finnish face to be there when I wake? Do I tell myself that everything that happened in these last couple was a dream? Do I tell myself that I died and gone to hell?

This isn't right. There has to be something more to this. I have to know. I have to.

I lost my love to death, my best friend to a kiss, and I lost my love again to something that I don't understand. Why does this hurt so much? Is it because I thought that maybe I had a second chance with...Ville? He promised me that he would fight for me no matter what! Do I not natter enough to him anymore? What did I do wrong?

A knock came at my door. I didn't move. I didn't say anything. The only thing I did was wake out of the thoughts I was pondering for a moment.

"Brandy?" I heard someone call from outside my door. "Brandy...it's Sofia. Please let me in, hon, please?" Should I let her in? Shold I tell her of the heartache I am experiencing. The pain of loss seeping into my heart again after it has healed. Yes, I should. I can't keep this from my Sofia.

"Come in." I finally whimpered with a sob. The door creaked open and Sofia's head popped in and looked around the room, searching for me, and she found me in the corner with mascara streaked down my face.

"Brandy?" she gasped in surprise. I can understand why she was surprised, she hadn't seen me like this since the first time Ville had left me. "Oh my God, Brandy! What happened?!" she screeched as she ran her way over to me to comfort me.

"He's gone, Sofia. He's gone." Is all I could manage to say before the tears exploded out of my eyes once again. Sofia threw her arms around and had me stuck in a bear hug.

"Tell me what happened." she whispered in my ear. I cried a little more before I could speak again. Or at least attempt to speak again.

"He...he...he said that he couldn't give me anything and that I was alive and he was dead and I deserve more," I explained in one tear. "I don't know what I did, Sofia! What did I do wrong?"

"Ssssshhhh..." she shushed. "You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all."

*********************************************************************************************

I fell asleep early before I actually intended to. I asked Sofia to stay over tonight, of course she had agreed to. But when I waked in the early evening, she wasn't there. I can only guess that she was talking to Bam downstairs about what happened. Of how Ville left me yet again.

I'm dead, you're alive, He kept saying in my head. So, I'm ending this now.

I sighed and arose from my bed only to approach the mirror and see what a mess I was. My face was blackened by mascara and wet with tears still. I must have been crying in my sleep. I went into my bathroom and washed my face and brushed my hair. I felt cleaner at least, but not better.

I'm dead, you're alive

I'm dead, you're alive

I'm dead, you're alove

He won't leave my concious. Dammit. I can't stand this. It was never this bad when he died. But, of course, when he first died I never really left our old house until I moved in with Sofia. Maybe since he came back I had that hope that he would never leave me again. That I wouldn't have to suffer. And maybe I let my hopes get to high and now I'm falling down again.

A light bulb went off in my head. I won't let myself suffer this time. Maybe I still have a chance. Maybe there's some sort of loop hole I can find. Maybe. I have an idea.

I ran to my door, opened it a peek, and saw that Sofia was downstairs with Bam and some of my other friends. I don't want to face them. I can't.

I closed the gently and hurried to the drawer and pulled out a pen and paper. And I left a letter. It said:

To everyone,

I really suck at leaving goodbye letters. I know you all are going to hate me for this, but I have to do this. I won’t let myself suffer for love anymore. And maybe when I’m gone I’ll finally be with Ville. I don’t want to leave this on a bad note. And Gerard, I do love you but more like a brother. Please don’t be mad at me, please. And to the rest of my friends, I love you all. Thank you for being there for me when Ville died and for just being there for me when I needed you all the most. Please don’t hate me. And please don’t blame yourselves for what I’m going to do. I love you, all of you. I’m sorry.

 

                                                                   Love Forever,

                                                                             Brandy xoxo

 

 

To be continued…

 

I sighed and leaned against my locker with a few of my friends keeping me company. Gerard, Phoebe, Mikey and Val were talking quietly amongst themselves as I waited for my brother and who know who to come to M’s locker. Yeah, today is the day that I talk to Syn and at least try to make him give me an explanation as to is why he’s being such a butt-munch. And to tell you the truth, I’m pretty nervous. I mean, the guy had been avoiding me for some bloody reason and he won’t tell me why so I have no idea of what I did wrong in the first place. Alright, I just need to relax. I have to remain callous during the whole…thing.

       I sighed again. Mikey turned around and randomly hugged me. That took me way off guard. He and I cracked up, causing my other friends to look at us weirdly.

       “That was so random!” I giggled.

       “Yeah but you looked upset and hugs make everyone feel better.” Mikey smiled. This dude is way too cute. I suddenly stopped giggling as I saw Syn and M strolling down the hallway. I sighed again (Boy, I seem to be doing that a lot!) and started to approach them. I swear I saw Synyster roll his eyes. Humph, jerk.

       I was standing in front of them both now and I gave M the ‘can I talk to him?’ look and M slightly shook his head, indicating something.

       “I’ll see you later,” Syn said to M. Before he walked off, I had my hand on his chest and basically made him stop in his tracks. M inhaled and walked off and joined Val at my locker with my other friends.

       “Can I talk to you?” I asked nicely as I lowered my hand form his chest.

       “No,” he curtly answered with an acrid attitude. He started to walk off, very fast, but I caught up to him and tried to match my pace with his.

       “Please? I really need to talk to you, Syn.” I begged. He stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, nostrils flaring with an annoyed look on his face. He has a bad temper. Like, he can start a whole conflagration with all the fire burning inside of him.

       The drama queen, I mean Syn, calmed down a little and led me outside. He took me to a clandestine bench area behind the school that was hidden by a lot f trees, bushed, and plants. At least he’s becoming a little more indulgent to my wishes…?? I sat down next to him on a bench, facing him with my backpack in my lap.

       “What do you need to talk about?” he asked with a bit of venom hidden in his words. Boy, I hope I don’t compunction this later on.

       “Why are you being such a butt-munch?” I blurted out with sort of an elated attitude.

       “What?” he questioned with an angry look on his face again. Okay, so maybe calling him a ‘butt-munch’ straight up wasn’t such a bright idea but, I think he gets the point.

       “Well, you’re being a jerk, seriously. You’re avoiding me and I don’t even know what I did! All I did was eat lunch with you and you’re the one who asked me to eat lunch with you! And then M over-reacts ‘cause apparently he told you I was ‘off-limits’ or something. And then you start acting like a jerk for some reason! This is all very confusing and pointless. Whenever I finally resolve something with somebody, something else happens with somebody else! I mean, my God!” I babbled without intentionally doing so. I rested my head on my backpack and let out an angry grunt. Synyster snickered, and I scowled at him. “Does this have anything to do with the talk that M had with you?” I asked, more calm than last time.

       “No,” he laughed. “It’s because of the lunch I had with you!”

       “Well thanks, I feel so much better…” I murmured sarcastically.

       “No, I don’t mean it as an insult, it’s just…”

       “So that’ supposed to be a compliment?” I interrupted.

       “No, just let me finish, ‘kay?” he exhaled. I nodded my head ‘yes’ and sank into the bench, waiting for his explanation. “Look,” he said. “I’m a real bad guy. I mean, I’m a full blown jerk. I’ve gotten into some real bad trouble in the past and though I abjured my ‘bad guy’ title…I still manage to get into something.

       “And in knowing this, while I was having lunch with you, you…just left such an indelible impression…you’re so cute and so innocent. I don’t want to expose you to anything that could possibly harm you….” He trailed off at the end and looked up at me. He scrutinized my facial expressions and it looks like I’m confusing him with them because I don’t even know how I’m reacting to this rubbish.

       “What are you thinking?” he asked after a few moments of studying me.

       “What kind of ‘bad things’ do you mean, Syn?”

       He looked down, then back at me. It looked like his was deliberating on whether or not he should tell me about his past. He doesn’t have to; I just want to know.

       “Look,” he said. “I don’t really want to get into anything of my past. It’s just really bad, okay? And I’m sorry that I’m being such a…a butt-munch. I think it’s better that you don’t hang around me, okay?”

       “Syn, whatever it is that happened in the past…I don’t care.” I said carefully. “I…I like you. I really like you. I don’t care if you’re as big as a jerk as you say you are. Please, I would like to get to know you better…” I pleaded. I do like him. I know that now. And whatever it is that happened, I don’t care. The past is the past and there is no changing that.

       “I don’t know.” Is all he said. We sat in silence for a few moments. I looked up at him finally, and he was looking back at me. Whatever happened seems to be really bothering him. I can’t force him to come to terms with it just yet. But, can’t I try?

It's been a few days since....well, you know....since Gerard kissed me. I haven't talked to him since. I think I hurt him really badly. It's better, in a way, that I don't see him...for now. I mean, it would make things with Ville easier without my overprotective best friend lingering around every corner. But, I miss him. I feel so bad. If i could have just handled this better...

No, I couldn't of. I would've reacted the same way even if Ville didin't come back. This is only going to get harder. Hopefully I can manage. I so need some serious girl time with some of my gal pals. Maybe I'll call Sofia, Aleena, jade, and the others and maybe so shopping...?? But what about Ville? Hm...maybe he can hang with Bam and have some male bondage time so he could remember the memories that even I don't know of.

That seems like a good idea...doesn't it? I sure hope so.

I sighed heavily as Ville and I were hanging out in Bam's living room. I have no idea where to go from here...memories wise, really. The male bondage thing does seem like a good idea for him. Ville started to stroke my arm with his hand. I turned my head and faced him, he was smiling at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked beautifully. I grimaced. Too many things are wrong, I don't know where to begin. Hmm, let's see...he might leave me forever when he gets all of his memories back, Gerard kissed me and our friendship may possibly be ruined forever because I'm a bitch, and did I mention the possibilty of Ville leaving me?

"Nothing." I managed to choke out. I quickly looked down, not wanting to look in his eyes for the first time. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. I felt winded.

"Liar," he whispered, stroking my cheek now. I looked back up at him again. He had a smirk on his face and he was studying me with his beautiful green eyes that always manage to keep me breathless.

"What?" I questioned.

"You're a liar. I can tell you're lying by the look in your eyes," he murmured. "What's wrong my love?" I tried to look away both of his hands were cupped around my face now, making me look into his eyes. Bringing me more pain and guilt than I already had. Should I tell him? No, I can't. He'll be so angry. I'm such a whore.

"I-I just think that maybe you should spend a day with Bam and your other friends tomorrow so you cangain back the memories that even I don't know about is all." I half lied this time. He scrutinized my face. I don't think he really believes me.

"Are you sure that's all you're lying about?" He interogated. Damn it, he can see through my facade. I can't tell him. It'll crush his heart...if he had one but you know what I mean.

But still, if I tell him, it would be the same as if he still were alive. He would be angry with me, he'll cry and feel betrayed. Then he would go find Gerard and yell at him and possibly punch him out. Wait, shit! If I do tell Ville and he gets angry, what if he doesn't punch Gerard out? What if he reaps him instead? Though, Gerard did kiss me, he doesn't deserve that. A lot of things has happened in these very few weeks of Ville's return. Gerard loves me, I understand that. I even understood that when my Ville was still alive. This sucks.

I sat there, silent, a few momentd after Ville asked me what was wrong. He pressed his lips on my forehead and leveled his eyes to mine.

"You can tell me anything, love. You know that. Whatever it is, you can tell me." I studied his face, and gave in. I had to tell him. I can't keep this from him. He was going to find out anyways.

"It's just....something happened when I went to talk to...Gerard...during the concert the other night." I cringed. I felt a sob coming but I don't know when.

"What?" he whispered.

"He....Gerard...he kissed me.." I spat out. I looked up at Ville's face. His eyes were furious for a moment, then sad, then furious again, then pained. Damn it, make up your mind.

"Oh." He muttered. He looked away from me, nostrils flared a little.

"B-but I didn't kiss back...I oushed him away...it meant nothing! Honest!" I squealed, hoping his wasn't angry at me. He looked back at me. I looked positively panicked as hell right now. Because now I don't know what his emotions were. He sighed and took my hand in his and kissed my fingers.

"I know it's not your fault. I shoulda guessed he was going to kiss you sooner or later," he said with a hint of acid in his voice. He looked back at me quickly with a calmness in his eyes. "Brandy, I need to talk to you. Especially now more than ever, my love."

"W-what is it?"

He sighed...and looked...troubled...

 

to be continued...

I started walking off in the other direction, wanting to get back inside and get away from Gerard. I didn't answer him, I'm too....shocked....to. I felt his eyes burn into the back of my skull as I turned away from him. I could hear his heavy breathing ringing in my ear as if it were some annoying bee flying around me. Before I could reach for the knob to the door, Gerard pulled on my elbow, spinning me around to face him. He looked so pained.

"I'm sorry," he cried. A silver tear rolled down his cheek, his voice was cracked and his eyes full of sorrow. Mine were too, but not as much as his. I just should tell him. I should. I should. I should. But I can't. It's too hard to tell him that I don't love him the way I love my Ville. That I can't give him the same amount of love and passion. I hope he understands.

The door popped open from behind me. I had no idea that the show was already over. Ville was standing behind me as Gerard let go of my elbow.

"Is everything okay?" Ville whispered into my ear. No, everything is not okay. He just kissed me and heknows that I know that he loves me and I can't return the feelings and our friendship could be possibly ruined or scarred for the rest of our natural fricken lives...

"Yeah," I mumubled under my breath, sniffing the tears back into my eyes. Gerard slid his way past Ville back into the theatre, looking down at the ground. "Can we go?" I asked. I didn't want to face anyone else tonight.

"Um, okay. Just let me get Bam, Jade, and Judith and we can go." Ville tried to smile. His attempt made me grin a little. I do love him. I wish he were alive again. I don't want him to leave me. Ever.

********************************************************************************************

"This makes me sick, Lucias," Prudence hissed under her breath. The Elders were still standing before the orb, watching Ville with incredible intent. Lucias' eyes flickered to Prudence then back at the orb, trying to ignore her. "We're going to lose him to that filthy human. He's going to try to find another way to wed her. I can sense it in his eyes. He's going to do it and he knows once they're married under the eyes of God that we cannot and do not have the power to separate them. We'll have to kill another to take his place and..."

"Oh shut up, Pruedence," Lucias snapped, looking up at her with a pissed off look on his face. "You're just angry because they myths of Reapers loving is true and that you have never loved. And you were once a human too, Pruedence. Do not act like you are above her because you are a Reaper! Now shush up! We will not lose him to love. And even if we do, there are people dying all across the world. We don not have to kill to make another Reaper!"

"Ah, but we had to with him didn't we, Lucias? And what makes you think that any one of those dying humans are as good as a Reaper like him?" Prudence muttered, trying Lucias' temper. His eyes were fixated on hers and his face was solid as a rock, not showing any emotion. He sighed, and said...

"I know what we had to do with him. It was a one time thing, Prudence. And don't go judging again.You know what they say Prudence, 'don't judge a book by its cover.'" Lucias quoted from his old memory. He looked at the other Elders who now had their eyes on both Lucias and Prudence. He motioned them to lok back at the orb and observe more about this. Motherfuckers killed my Ville? Son of a bitch!

 

to be continued...

Well, about 30-35 minutes ago, I started to make myself dinner (Mac&cheese...yummi) and My stove it right next to the big window in my kitchen....and I got back every two minutes to stir the noodles and I started to hear footsteps outside. At first I thought it was just the cat that always goes into my backyard or on my porch (which the window overlooks) but then as I was getting the milk out of the fridge, I heard someone talking and my neigbors aren't home. And then I dismissed it again cuz I thought it was my other neighbor, until I looked over at his house and his car isn't in the driveway which means he's still at work and his son is probably at the Rock A Thon. So now I'm super scared, I have all the lights on in my house and I'm home alone. Wonderful. At least I have another two bottles of pepsi cuz if I didn't, I would have to go outside and walk about 30 feet the the dunkin donuts to get my pepsi. But, get this, one of the guys that works at dunkin donuts 'touched' my sister and now I'm really freaked out and I can't help but keep looking out my window.

Meh, I just creeped myself out again. You see, there was this guy that used to live next to the house that my friend now lives in thats about a block away from my house and down the street from my old elementary school. And he was a convicted rapist and child molester and he just randomly popped into my head. God dammit...why do I have to be so pessimistic and negative all the time?

I need my music....

The smile never left my face the whole time Ville was singing. My cheeks hurt, but I don't really care. The tears stayed in place too. But they weren't sad tears, they were tears of joy. I thought I was never to see this again. I thought that I would never see him again. But I had, and this concert is happening. All of my friends and family are here and everyone is happy. And for the first time in months, I'm happy too. I hopt this night lasts forever and ever.

Bam, Aleena, Sofia, Jade, Judith and the others had decided to join the crowd. As I peered out from the curtain, I gazed upon Frank who looked like he was gonna cry. Aww, I love him, he's so sweet...and Frank. The only others who had stayed with me backstage were Gerard (of course) and False Start. Gerard stood on my left and Vaughn on my left with Andrew right behind me and Dave and Ash on both sides of Andrew. We all couldn't take our eyes off of Ville as he sang. And, lucky for me, I brought my own pepsi. :)

It was nearing the end of the concert, I knew how everyone felt near the end of the show. They wanted it to last forever too, but life goes on and things don't last forever. Sometimes things go wrong.

"Brandy," I heard Gerard whisper in my ear. I looked over at Gerard, of course I still had that hurting smile on my face. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure what's up?" I asked, not worried about what the subject of the matter may be.

"Can I talk to you outside?" He suggested. My smile faded. I didn't want to miss any part of my loves last show.

"Can it..."

"No, it can't." Gerard said in a stern voice. Huh, what crawled up his butt? I sighed and nodded. As I left to go outside, I glanced over at Ville who looked at me with a confused look on his innocent face. I mouthed the words 'I'll be right back' to him and he nodded and averted his attention back the crowd.

The door opened to the parking lot. Amazingly, there was no paparazzi. Thank God the cops came tonight, because whatever Gerard had to say to me, I didn't want it to end up on TMZ. It was actually a little chilly tonight, but not cold enough to make me shiver.But, unknowingly, I did wrap my arms around myself, just in case I did get cold.

Gerard leaned up against the wall. He pulled out a cigarette, lit it, a huffed a smoke. Whatever it was he needed to tell me, he sure his taking his time with it. I was starting to get a little anxious and I could tell that Gerard knew that I was getting anxious but the look in his eye. God, just hurry up and tell me what I need to know already, I wanna get back inside.

"I know," Gerard said after about a minute or two of standing outside.

"You know what?" I asked anxiously. Ooohhhh...does he know that I know that he.....that would so suck.

"I know you know that I love you," he muttered under his breath. Ha, I was right. And it does suck.

My eyes grew wide in panic. Ah, I can see now that this conversation is going to get a little awkward. I don't need this tonight. Why tell me this tonight? Gerard flicked the cigarette to the ground, crushing it and turning to face me. He seemed to be calm, really calm, scary-calm. This is starting to freak me out. I hate when he doesn that.

"Oh." Is all I said. I couldn't really stand to keep looking at him, I mean his calmness is kinda creepy. So, I looked down at the ground, at the crushed cigarette. I sighed and I felt his finger under my chin, lifting my head up to look at his now eager eyes.

"I want to know something." he said with hope in his eyes now. His emotions keep changing, I can't keep up with them now. I can only guess what he wants to know.

"What?" I said in barely a whisper. He leaned in toward me, his lips brushed mine and came on to a full on collision. I pulled away, surprised why his so-called question.

"Can you love me the way you love Ville?" he asked, now saddened a little, maybe by my reaction. I searched my mind, and my heart. Can I love him like I love Ville? If Ville leaves will Gerard take his place? What if I tell him know? How will he react?

My heart started breaking. I already knew that answer, but how do I break this to him? He's my best friend. They person who has always been there for me. The one who stayed with me through thick and thin when the love of my life died. And how would I tell Ville of what happened? I always tell him everything. Will he be crushed? Will he think differently of me?  But, it's not my fault, Gerard kissed me first. I had no inkling of his intentions. I don't know...

"Well?" he questioned, snapping me outta my thoughts. Tears caressed my cheeks. I look down, not answering. How do I feel?

 

to be continued...

Hmmm...i don't know...I've been wandering lately about why my fanfics are so fixated on love. Well, I think it's cuz a hopeless romantic. Or a psychotic romantic....something of the sort.

Oh, and just to tell ya'll, in "Love Reaper" there's gonna be a major plot twist...try to guess what it it...lol....I'm evil today...and plus I'm about to post the next chapter anyways....I got pepsi :)

CHATPER 9: Ville and Brandy move Sofia from off the floor and onto Brandys bed. Brandy finds out that Ville can "uncloak" himself and that's how Sofia saw him. He left and Sofia started to wake up, asking what had happened, and Brandy had to explain it to her. Now Sofia believes Brandy and is eager to tell the others but Brandy tells her not so she doesn't (duh.) Meanwhile, Ville has in a big white room, he wanted to talk to his Elders about....well, you know. But he doesn't really know how to contact the Elders (cuz he's a young Reaper) and another Reaper, William (Beckett XD), had helped him in callin the Elders down to them. *cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 10: Ville and The Elders were apparently arguing over the 'situation'. The Elders were basically questioning her love for him and his love for her and shizzle. *back with Sofia and Brandy* Brandy and Sofia had fallen asleep on Brandys bed and her alarm clock had woken them both up. Sofia had told Brandy that Gerard was to come over (with the possibility of Linde, Burton, Bam, Gas, and Mige as well.) When Brandy had finished getting ready, she headed out to the living room and saw that Gerard was walking up to the front door. They started talking and apparently Gerard had taken upon himself to give Bam the okay for Brandy to move in even though she didn't know a thing about. Brandy was pissed (I would be too...though I am Brandy...lmao). He gives her the decision then, to move in though she had no say in it.... *cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 11: Brandy had decided to move in with Bam. It had taken them hours to pack her things. Brandy keeps worrying about Ville not knowing where she was going. Gerard had decided to drive Brandy to Bams house after they had packed (she was still on the meds and they made her woozy) with Sofia following. Gerard put on some Jason Mraz and, of course, they sang the song all the way down to Bammies house. They had moved her stuff into the room that Bam had prepared for her. Brandy and Sofia were lounging in her room when she asked Sofia if Ville came over that night that she would tell him that she was at Bams house and Sofia agreed to help. *Back to Ville and the Elders* Ville was waiting for the Elders to be done deliberating on his current situation. They had finally come up with a decision...*cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 12: *Brandy at Bams house* Basically she thinks about Ville and what she thought that he remembered. She calls Sofia...*Meanwhile* Sofia was in Brandys now old room, going through the things that she left behind and organizing them and shizzle. Suddenly, Ville came outta nowhere and scared the shit outta Sofia. Ville is looking from Brandy but obviously she's not there. Sofia heard her cell ring only to see that Brandy was calling *ohh coincidence...* Sofia basically told Brandy that they were on their way! woo! An hour and a half later, Brandy heard them knockin gat the door and realized that Bam didn't know that Ville would be standing on the other side of the door. Brandy had raced to the door. As soon as Brandy opened the door, she saw Ville, Sofia, and Jade. She turned to Bam only to see Bams face go totally white. But Bam takes the news well. Brandy and Ville go to talk privately in the hallway. He told Brandy that he was allowed to see her.....until he gains all of his memories back. Bummer. BUt he made the promise to fight for her no matter what *awww!*

CHAPTER 13: The chapter starts with Brandy, Ville, Bame, Jade, and Sofia just hanging out in the living room talking about a few memories. Ville already had the basics...band, singer, and shizzle. He wanted to know how he died but Brandy decided it wasn't the appropiate time to tell him about how he died. Gerard called and Brandy went into the bathroom to talk to him. Sofia and Bam interupt Brandy and she finds out that Bam had invited Gerard over to find out about our little Reaper Ville. Brandy gets super pissed and Bam and Sofia cower behind Jade. Ville offers to hide but she says no. A sudden knock comes at the door and Bam opens it...*cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 14: Lucky for Brandy that it wasn't Gerard at the door. Instead it was Dave, Ash, Vaughn, and Andrew (False Start) and Adam (Taking back Sunday). They had seen Ville and...they reacted well, very well. They couldn't believe that he was there. Ville told them that he was a Reaper and tried to explain the situation as well as he could. Brandy became panicked at that moment. A familiar silhouette was awaiting in the doorway. *cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 15: Gerard is furious and upset about seeing Ville there, standing before him. He wanted to talk to Brandy alone and they went into the hallway near the staircase. He questions Brandy about why Ville is there and why she didn't tell him sooner. All she could say was 'I was afraid that you wouldn't believe me.' And he thinks that there's more to it (which there is...he secretly loves her...though it's no really a secret). She didn't answer him about there being something more and he got upset and drove off.

 

Some people are getting lost on some of the chapters and shizzle. So I thought that I would post a chapter summary for you guys :)

Ha, I should so make a test...lol...anyways...yeah...

CHAPTER 1: Basically, it starts off with Brandy (who is me lol) in the cemetery trying to find her dead fiancees grave. She finds the grave, traces the epitaph and talks to no one (though she meant for Ville *who she thought was in Heaven* to hear it). After falling asleep on his grave, her best friend (Gerard Way) finds her there and drives her home. While on her way home, she has a flashback of the first time her and Ville (her dead fiancee) met. Gerard decided to stay over for a bit and Brandy falls asleep on the couch and Gerard wakes her up and he tells her that she was talking in her sleep about Ville. *cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 2: Sofia (Brandys other bestie) comes into the story, breaking Brandy and Gerards awkward silence. Gerard leaves after liek a minute for a rehearsal for a concert that was that night. Sofia got a hint that something was going on with Brandy so she asks her about it and she explains that shizle to Sofia. Brandys friend Deanna (I love you my little Gerard!) called and asked them if they were going to the concert, which they were, and then they hung up. Brandy changed out of her clothes, yet again, and waits for the cnocert to start. As soon as Brandy and Sofia get to the theatre were the concert was held, they meet up with a few friends that they haven't seen in like forever. Brandy awkwardly stays at the refreshment table and gets tackled by one of her other friends (Dave from False Start yo). They open and play her fav song and as she looks from behind the curtain to enjoy the show, she sees a familair face in the crowd and faints. *cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 3: Brandy woke up with her head hurting like fuck and decides to go get some aspirin for her headache. She realizes that a bunch of her friends are there and she doesn't really want them to see her so she sneaks to the bathroom to take the aspirin.  But Brandy then decided to give them a little piece of mind and talk to them and shizzle. A bunch of her worried friends were there and they all wanted to know what happened to her so she sat down (on Adams lap lol) and tried to explain things as best as she could to them. She told them that she saw Ville (who's supposed to be dead) in the crowd and Gerard instantly objects to what she sees. She thinks that no one believes her and she decides to go back to bed. But then Frank makes her hug and kiss everyone before she goes to bed. Brandy awoke hours later in total pain. She couldn't breathe and she was shaking horribly. She tried to call for Sofia but she collapses and she tries to crawl her way back on her bed. She passes out and a familair fin popped out a nowhere. A Reaper. Ville. When her spirit descends from her body, she comes face-to-face with her lost love and instantly recognizes him. He think that she's mistaking him for someone else until she shows him a picture of them, Sofia, and Gerard at a party from a year before. Sofia randomly comes into the room, sees Brandy basically dying and tells Gerard (who she's on the phone with) that shes not breathing. *cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 4: Brandy wakes up in a hospital bed, with the heart monitar instantly annoying the hell outta her. A nurse gave her some water as she wonders where her friends were (they were eating or some shizz).  Gerard came in, relieved that she was okay but sad that she was in the hospital. He explains to her that someone poisoned the pepsi at the refreshment table (which she drank all of) and she basically saved all of their lives. But he begins to blame himself for her getting hurt and she tried to tell him that it wasn't his fault at all. Gerard sends Frank in after Brandy tells gerard to get something to eat and, of course, knowing Frank, he was basically entertainment with his....Frankness. He came in the room, tackling her basically (though she's in a hospital bed....imagine that) with balloons (which said 'It's A Girl') and a gift that he made her. She unwrapped a photo album, with pics already in there. The first picture happened to be one of her and Ville that Frank took. Another was a childhood memory of her and Frank (aww...lol). They start talking and Brandy explains to Frank that she saw Ville as a reaper and he believes her a tells her that a girl down the hall had claimed the same thing. *cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 5: Frank walked Brandy down the hall (where the girl was at) to the girls room. They enter the rooms and the girls face instantly lights up at the sight of Frank and Brandy. She introduced herself and Brandy and Jade (the girl) start talking about Jade's experience with Reaper Ville. She told Brandy about her heart attack. Jade explained that Ville told her that it wasn't her time to die and to get back into her body and stuff. She also said that she thought that Ville recognized Brabdy cuz he saw her from backstage and whispered her name under his breath. Before she left, Brandy thanked Jade for her help, even though she felt woozy (thanks to the damn medicine.) Jade asked Frank if he could sign her CD and the genius spelled his name wrong (haha.) They were back in the hallway, headed back to Brandys room when a doctor was yelling from behind for them to move outta the way. Frank moved Brandy off to the side. Frank had let go of her and she had hit the ground. The needle got ripped outta her arm and she hit her head. But, before she blacked out again, she looked up and saw Ville. *cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 6: She awoke in her hospital bed again with another headache and her arm hurt like fuck. When she looked around her room, everyone was in there. She asked what happened. Her friend Andrew (also from False Start) was standing next to her started to explain what happened to her. But she felt as if everyone in the room was keeping something from her, so she asked them if they were. Frank, who was asleep next to her, squirmed a little and Brandy heard Frank's fiancee (Jamia *or now wife*) snickering from the back of the room. Jamia approached them and said that Alicia (Mikey's wife) was there as well but she was getting the coffee. Jamia also explained that the rest of HIM and Bam were in town and they wanted to see Brandy. Brandy was surprised a little by the news and sunk into her bed, causing Frankie to move, and she questioned Jamia of how long had he been sleeping there. Frank had been next to her ever since she passed out. Apparently someone who shall be left nameless *cough* Gerard *cough* had blamed him for her getting hurt. Sofia gave Brandy the photo album that Frank gave her to her, along with more pictures to put in it. Brandy started to put the pics in there but was interupted by a familiar cutie with 20 coffees struggling at the door. Alicia decided to help Brandy with the pics by crawling on the other side of her bed and taking half the stack.

CHAPTER 7: After Brandy and Alicia put the rest of the pics in the album, Alicia and mostly everybody had fallen asleep. Finally, Gas, Mige, Burton, Linde, and Bam had arrived. People from outside the room had recognized them and gave Brandy and the others warning gasps. Frank had awoke and offered to wake up Alicia by screaming "Oh my God! Mikey's Pregnant!" in her ear, he got hurt and everyone else in the room had woken up. Linde, Bam, Gas, Burton, and Mige and enetered the room as everyone else left to give them some alone time. They had brought over some of Ville's things for her. They had given her Ville's beanie, scarf, pictures, pants and other things. They knew about what Brandy had seen earlier so she asked them if they believed her. *cliffhanger*

CHAPTER 8: Brandy had finally come home with a bunch of her friends following. Gerard had carried Brandy into the house after she had fallen asleep in Sofia's car. She was waken up by a familair Fin singing one of her favorite songs. Ville. That's when she finds out fersure that he's  A Reaper. She explains to him of their relationship (lovers and shizz.) And she explains to him that he was a famous singer. He basically has no memory what so ever of his life and she wants to help him remember. She starts to go through the photo albuk with him but he had to leave. But before he left, they kissed and he remembered his love for her. But, Sofia came in and fainted at the sight of her best friends dead fiancee.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERARD! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! YOU ARE ONE OF THE GREATEST GUYS IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! I HOPE YOU HAVE THE HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY EVER! THANK YOU FOR GRACING EVER SINLGE PERSON WITH YOUR PRESENCE FOR 31 YEARS! HOPEFULLY ONE DAY I GET TO MEET YOU! XD XD XD!

 

xoxo Brandy a.k.a. Mikey

"I'm so nervous." Ville said as we pulled into the parking lot that belonged to the theatre that HIM will be playing in tonight. Ville and I were in the back of Bam's hummer (with bam driving of course) with Gerard in the front seat and two of my other friends (Jade and Judith) sitting in the back with us. I smiled, though Ville was freakin scared as hell, he just seemed so...I don't know....innocent? Yeah, innocent.

"Ville, don't be nervous. You'll do fine." I encouraged him with a gracious smile. I layed my head on his shoulder as he moved his arm around mine. He kissed my forehead and rested his head on top of mine. I couldn't help but get this aching feeling in the pit of my stomach taht something was going to happen tonight. It's either that or I'm nervous as well. Bam's car stopped suddenly, I looked out the tinted window to see why. Paparazzi were all waiting outside of the theatre in a big mob. I watched them swoon over Sofia and Aleena as they were trying to make their way inside, bombarding them with questions about Ville. Oh great.

"Why don't you guys use Ville's way of getting. We can handle the paps." Gerard suggested at the sight of the paparazzi. Both Judith and Jade groaned, knowing that they were about to be swarmed but the 'razzi as well. I couldn't help but snicker.

"We'll see you guys inside," I teased. "And try not to punch any of the annoying paparazzi, 'kay?" I stated, mainly emphisizing this fact to Judith. About a year ago as her, Ville and I (when he was alive) were headed to one of Gerards concerts, out car broke down so we had to walk the rest of the way. The paps swarmed us and would not move, so, my little Juju punched one of them out and almost got a lawsuit. But that guy deserved it, he was an asshole.

"Fine," Judith moaned, sinking lower into her seat. "Would you guys already leave. You're making me jealous." she smiled wryly. I nodded my head as Ville wrapped his long, graceful arms around me. He told me to close my eyes, I did, and in a moment, we were inside of the theatre. We were greeted by my lovely little friend Ana who had umped me from behind to give me a BIG hug (as usual.)

"Hi Ana," I smiled. She waved and said 'hi' back. "What's up?"

"Oh nothing, I'm just super excited about this concert! It's gonna be soooo rad!" she blurted out. "Oh look! There's Deirdre! I'm gonna go talk to her! You know, me and Deirdre are going to be the ones to start the moshpit right?"

"Of course, Ana. It's ALWAYS you and Deirdre!" I giggled as she walked away to go to hug Deirdre. Wehad to wait for everyone to get past the paparazzi before the show started. It only took about another half an hour or so before the police came and told the annoying peeps to go away. I wonder how they knew about the concert. I hope it wasn't that bitch nurse, though it would be unlikely for her to work her. This place is cool, and she's not. Haha.

Since Gerard was still injured (he broke his arm and sprained his ankle) he still managed to come here tonight. Though MCR can't open for HIM, they still came, which is cool. Instead, False Start opened for them instead. We had a huge crowd (family and friends of course) and in the midst of them all, I saw Frank in the front with a big sign saying "Ville Will You Marry Me?" If things were different, I would have thought that would be a little strange, but instead, I cracked up laughing.

It had taken another 45 minutes to an hour before HIM played. False Start did an excellent job opening for them. They kept the crowd pleased and wanting more, as usual. Finally, the curtains opened and my Ville was onstage in front of the mic. He was shaking a little but I could tell he was excited. He looked at me (I was on the side of the stage) and grinned hugely before turning back to the crowd.

"Hello everybody," he said into the mic. "Well, I suppose you all know the reasons of why I might forget the lyrics while on stage. And to tell you the truth, I'm scared as hell, but I am happy to be here. And I want to thank a very special person in my life right now who has helped me in gaining a few of my most dearest memories. And she's the one who actually suggested to have another show. So, in all, I would like to thank the love of my Reaper life, Brandy. I love you so much, sweetheart, you have no idea." I smiled as the crowd went wild. I looked at the crowd, and then back at my love who was staring at me with a special sparkle in his eye. He turned back at the crowd and stared at something very weird. It was Frank, and apparently he had switched the sign around. Now it says "Ville Valo Is The Next American Idol!" Wow, random, but I don't care, tonight is a very special night.

Thw crowd became ravenous when "Buried Alive by Love" started playing as soon as Ville had ended his little speech. he started to sing. I don't think he'll have trouble with the lyrics.

"I carry the burden of losing rest upon my shoulders, and it's weight seems unbareable," he sang. "Your tomb is where your heart is, I should have told her. But within a secret so terrible. To cry is to know that you're alive and my river of tears has run dry..."

 

to be continued...

It’s been a long week since I had my “lunch date” with Synyster. Ever since M’s little talk with him, he’s been avoiding me, or at least trying to avoid me.

       Me and a bunch of my new friends are hanging out at the park today with nothing to do except swing, chase each other around the park, or play kickball. I must have made about 30 new friends ever since I moved here. How cool, but I haven’t quite learned all of their names yet. Yikes. But I have a bigger problem, well, two actually. One is Synyster. Lately, as I said, he’s been avoiding me. Every time I try to talk to him, he would come up with some sort of pretext to avoid talking to me. Humph, what a jerk.

       And problem number two, my lovely, overprotective brother who’s been acting very stark lately. The only people he talks to is Val, Zacky, Johnny, and Rev. He’s been acting obnoxious lately as well, especially when I try to talk to him. If the way he’s acting is all because of me having lunch with Syn (who he told to stay away form me), he’s making a mountain out of a mole hill. But, I think something else is going on with him.

       “This park is sp placid,” I said to one of my friends, Gerard, who was laying next to me on the grass. “The fresh air let’s me think clearer.”

       “Let me guess, you’re trying to solve your problems with M and Synsyter in your head but you’re not sure if it’s going to work in real life, right?” Gerard guessed correctly all in one breath. I nodded my head and sighed lightly. I felt Gerard twitch beside me.

       “Don’t worry about it, Vi. Things will get better. Syn can’t avoid you forever, you know.” Gerard smiled widely, trying to placate me with his kind and caring words. I smiled back halfheartedly. “Hold your head high, heavy heart.”

       “Quoting The Academy Is… are we?” I giggled, which followed by Gerard’s funny giggle. My face turned serious again. “But what if things don’t get better? What then?” I questioned. Gerard wrinkled his nose as if he were in thought. He opened his mouth to speak, but cleared his throat instead.

       “Well, when he stops acting superficial, which should be in about a week, then you talk to him…?” Gerard suggested.

       “Maybe,” I exhaled. A thought ran through my head, and I couldn’t help but speak it as it passed. “Gerard, you don’t think that maybe Syn misconstrued us having lunch for a date, do you?”

       “I don’t know, maybe.”

       “Oh no!” I whined.

            “Don’t worry, Vi. It’s probably not th…Frank!” Gerard started but then got interrupted by a ball smacking him in the side of his head. I started laughing as his face turned red.

       “It’s wasn’t me!” Frank yelled back in panic but also sounded like he was laughing. “It was Aleena and Jade! They did it!” he accused two of my other new friends.

       “Nuh-uh lair!” Aleena yelled, smacking Frank upside his head.

       “Frank, you’re such a jerk!” Jade hollered, smacking Frank on the other side of his head. Gerard protruded the ball in front of him. He stood up and attempted to kick the ball back to Frankie. Instead, he fell backwards and landed on me.

       “Sorry,” he murmured un his breath. He picked up the ball and threw it over to Aleena who started playing ‘monkey in the middle’ with Jade and Frank. Guess who the monkey was? Haha.

       “So, where was I?”

       “Oh, you were trying to tell me not to worry if Synyster misinterpreted me having lunch with him for a date.

       “Oh, well, that’s probably not the reason anyway,” He sighed, plopping himself next to me again. “Maybe it had something to do with M’s little talk with him. Maybe M threatened him or something?” he suggested, though it sounded more like a joke then a suggestion. I shrugged, feeling another twitch from Gerard. “Which reminds me,” he continued. “Try to talk to him as well. See why M’s being such a jerk lately, you know?”

       “I was planning on trying to talk to him tonight anyways,” I smiled wryly. “And thanks, Gerard.”

       “For what?”

       “For helping me,” I giggled. “Thanks.”

 

I got home around 6 PM that night. Gerard and Mikey (Gerard’s little brother) dropped me off on their way home. M was supposed to pick me up form the park. Maybe he forgot. Or maybe he doesn’t care anymore. I walked up the path leading toward my front door and I noticed M’s Hummer in the driveway. He was home. I shook my head disappointedly and headed into the house. I was quietly singing a HIM song as I entered the house.

       “She was the sun shining upon the tomb of your hopes and dreams so frail,” I sang, trying to imitate Ville Valo’s singing voice. “He was the moon painting you with his glow so vulnerable and pale…” I headed straight for the refrigerator while attempting to sing the rest of “The Funeral of Hearts.” I grabbed a Pepsi and headed to my room.

       “The heretic seal beyond divine, pray to a God who’s deaf and blind…” I cut myself off as I entered my room and saw M on my bed, reading my book which was full of poems I wrote. “M! What are you doing?” I demanded.

       “Nothing, just reading. “He said nonchalantly.

       “But you’re going through my things and…and reading my thoughts, my poems…without asking…why?” I choked and stuttered.

       “You know writing has been called one of the most potent coping skills among people who are under various amounts of stress.” M stated in a matter-of-factly attitude.

       “M…” I complained as I snatched my book out of his hands. “What is going on with you?! Why won’t you talk to me? I’m you’re sister!”

       M crossed his arms and avoided my eyes under his sunglasses by looking down at the floor. Something is going on with him, I can sense it. Did Val break up with him?

       “You can tell me anything.” I finally said after a moment of awkward silence, gently trying to force an answer out of him. He looked up at me with his shoulders slumped as if he were sad or upset.

       “Do you remember the writing assignment I had to do for English that was due last Friday?”

       “The poem/song thingy mo-bobber?” I asked. He nodded and adjusted his sitting position on my bed.

       “Well, my teacher gave me a zero. She thinks I copied my work from someone else.” He grumped.

       “Plagiarism? She marked you for plagiarism?” I questioned. Is this why he’s been acting like such a jerk? “Wait, what song did you write?”

       “Unbound the wild ride. Remember, I read it to you when I finished it?” he urged my memory.

       “How did it go?” I asked, trying to think of the song.

       “This ride that takes me through life, leads me into darkness but emerges into light. No one can ever slow me down. I’ll stay unbound…” He sang, raising his right eyebrow as he trailed off. I nodded my head as I remembered when he did read it to me and remembered how much of his heart and soul he put into it. No wonder he’s upset.

       “But why does she think you plagiarized it?” I couldn’t quite grasp the reason why.

       “Because some kid in my class saw my grade and as soon as he did he went ‘hey, I wrote that’ and he somehow convinced my teacher that he did when he didn’t…it’s so stupid.”

       “Humph,” I huffed. “I’m going to kick that kids…”

       “Violetta, just don’t bother.” He sighed as I sat next to him.

       “Is this why you were acting like such a…so differently lately?” I interrogated while changing my sentence mid-way.

       “Yeah,” he confessed. “I’m sorry. I was just disappointed in myself. I didn’t want to disappoint you either.”

       “M, you didn’t do anything wrong. So, tomorrow, you and I are going to go to your teacher and explain everything to her, okay?”

       “You sound like mom.” He complimented. I laughed. I guess I do sound like my mom.

       “Oh, and, you’ll probably want to talk to Syn tomorrow.” M hinted to me.

       “Why?”

       “Just talk to him, okay?” I nodded and M finally got up and left my room.

      

I'm really nauseas (sp?)...

I haven't eaten much all day...no breakfast...no lunch...no dinner....just a little bag of chips is all....and I got a nasty taste in my mouth...ewww....and I headache....I think i'm going to go lay down....well, after I post "Early Sunsets Over Monroeville Part 4"....

It's been a week, a very long week, since Ville and the guys decided to hold another concert. One last concert. It won't be public, though. We don't want the fans to think that he's actually back even though that he is, he just isn't staying for long. All I know is that our close friends and relative are going to be there to marvel one last time at Ville's beautiful singing and the epic legacy that he'll leave behind when his memories return. If I don't think about it, it won't bother me as much.

"What if I forget everything when I go onstage?" Ville asked me as we were going over some of the songs off of "Dark Light." I smiled at him wryly, giving it some thought. Well, he did forget his whole life before. So what's a couple songs right?

"Ville, don't worry about it. I'm going to be there to help you and thats why were going over the songs. And plus, Linde will be there and Mige, and Gas, and Burton. Just don't think about it and you'll do fine." I tried my best reassure him. I don't know if it's working, he looks confused as fuck.

"You want me to forget the lyrics?" he asked curiously. I laughed, throwing my arms around him and kissing him on the cheek.

"No silly. I want you to not think about possibly forgetting the lyrics." I chuckled.

"But the concerts tonight, Brandy. I'm really nervous." he confessed, looking down at his hands rather than at me. I cupped my hands around his face, pushing the loose starnds of hair back and gazed into his eyes.

"I'll be there with you. You don't have to worry." Ville smiled, letting out a sigh of temproary relief and loosened up a little.

"Who else will be there?" he asked frivolously.

"Hmmm, let's see..." I started, trying to remember exactly who will be coming. "Bam, Sophia, Gerard, Mikey....Frank, Ray, Bob, Adam, Andrew, Dave, Vaughn, Ash, Jade, Aleena, Tanya, Matt, Eddie, Mark, Lauri, your parents, Bam's parents, Ana, Rachel, Nikki, Judith, Deirdre, the other Adam, the other other Adam, uhhh..."

"Okay, you can stop now," Ville laughed. "How 'bout we take a break? I bet that you're hungry."

"How'd you know?" I asked, astonished, though I really shouldn't be.

"Your stomach growled, I could hear it." I blushed and took his hand, motioning him to stand up.

"Okay, let's go. How about we go to the park?" I suggested.

"'Kay." he answered curtly.

 

to be continued....

I haven't slept in like three days...even if I did sleep...it would be for like an hour. I've already finished two really big books that would usually take me at least a week or two (maybe three) both in under 5-6 days (off and on reading eh)...and i"m gonna re-read them cuz they were really good books!

And I'm really pissed off....some kid on myspace (calling himself the "Goon Squad") is trashing kids from my school on myspace. I know who it is...he's one of my friends (supposedly...some of my other friends told me it was him)....and it really pisses me off becuz some kid (who I also know) got punched becuz all these kids thought it was him instead of my friend....grrrrrrr....

And I'm even more tired becuz I need sleep....eh....and I have that stupid "Wang-chung" song stuck in my head (thanks mom)....ugh....

*sigh*

Ville and mine's eyes locked in a gaze again. My hands were clutching "Razorblade Romance" tightly between them. I'm speechless, and I don't know why. I'm usually not like this. What if we decide to get married again and he leaves? And what if he never comes back? A long moment was forced between us. His eyes turned to despair when I didn't answer automatically.

"You don't wanna marry me anymore?" he asked as innocently as a small child. My eyebrows wrinkled, my face confused.

"No, it's not that, Ville," I squealed. My heart started to beat faster and I drew short of breath. I knew I was starting to get upset. "It's just that....what happens if we do get married? W-what if you have to leave? What if I never see you again?" The panic grew inside my chest. I can't handle losing him again....I just can't. I'm still trying to recover from the first time he left me.

Ville raised his eyebrows, looking like he was in a thought. After a moment, his eyebrows went into a sad looking posture (sp?). Sadness filled his face,but hope overrided it. "Brandy, sweetie," he whispered. "I'll never leave you again. I promise. I will never ever leave you again," he choked. "If we get married...maybe they wouldn't be able to take me away from you. Maybe they'll let us stay together forever and start a family and have lots of kids and maybe move back to Finland..." he ranted romantically. "They can't keep us away from each other forever. Maybe after the show..."

"Ville," I interupted."I would love to marry you. I love you, but what if it's too early for you?  ANd what if your so-called elders do take you away?" I started to sob. Ville took me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. "I'm not sure if I can handle losing you again."

"You won't lose me ever again, I promise. I swear. I swear on my own grave. I'll never let that happen," he breathed into my ear. "We'll find a way."

********************************************************************************************

(Elders)

Six elders stood before an orb, and orb that can be traced to watch any Reaper that they had desired to see at the moment. You can only guess who they were watching and listening to. They mumbled to themselves for a moment, pondering about what they've just seen and how to react to it. Is this good? Or is this bad?

"We have to stop this," a female elder stated aloud to the others. "We cannot lose a Reaper to love. Especially one with great power and potential. We have to stop this now."

"Silence, Prudence. Let's not get hasty. We have to think things over with the group." a male elder shushed.

"Lucias is right, we have tothink things through. Especially since this case is clearly a unique one." Aros, another elder, said aloud to prudence and the others.

"Then what do you have in mind?" another elder asked.

"Let him give her what she wants, then we decide." Lucias declared.

"A marriage? But then we cannot serparate the two. They will be bound together by God's will. We cannot defy the Almighty..."

"No, I mean another concert. Make her happy. And if they start planning a wedding, then we separate them completely."

"We are taking a huge risk, you know that Lucias?" Prudence hissed. "What if he finds out everything? What if he remembers everything, even after death?"

"We'll deal with it then," Aros cut in. "For now, we leave them be."

 

to be continued...

Ville and I had gotten back to Bam's house at around two o'clock in the evening. I basically dragged back into my room, still giddy from the decision of one last show, and ravaged my closet. I threw clothes in every which way I could, looking for the one box that would help Ville with remembering his own lyrics.

"Got it!" I yelled in relief. Ville was sitting on my bed and smiling at me. I smiled back, I couldn't help myself. "What are you smiling at mister?" I giggled.

"Oh nothing. I just thought you looked absolutely adorable when you were ravaging your closet." He simply stated as I plopped down beside him.  He looked curiously at the box in my hands. "What's that?"

I grinned again, opening the box and revealing what it contained. Ville started to take things out of the box, looking closely at the contents.

"666 Ways To Love? Great Love Songs Volume 666? Razorblade Romance? Deep Shadows And Brilliant Highlights? Love Metal?" He read off, scruntinizing the cover of the CD's. "And Love Said No Greatest Hits 1997-2004? Dark Light? Venus Doom? Are these CD's that we made?" he asked, amazed by the quantity of CD's.

"Well, yeah." Is the only thing I could say at the moment. Ville looked at me with curious eyes.

"Why were they in a box?" I looked down at my hands and shrugged.

"Memories," I stated, then smiled to myself. Such great memories.

"What kind if memories?"

"The ones where you would sing me to sleep," I blushed and wrinkled my nose. "And past shows that I attended."

"Oh."

"Ville, can I ask you a question?" I asked innocently. We locked eyes, and Ville nodded his head up and down, saying 'yes' with his eyes. "I haven't forgotten, you know. So, what did you decide that night...the night you died?"

Ville broke our locked eyes and stared at the CD's in his lap. I could tell that he was smiling to himself. The sides of his mouth curled up into a grin.

"You know what I decided?" He teased. "I decided to pospone the tour until after we were married. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with you, love."

I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then rested my head on his shoulder while taking his hand in mine.

"Can I ask you a question?" he said thoughtfully.

"Yes." I only said.

"Do you still wanna marry me?"

 

to be continued...